I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
