im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
