Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
