; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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