A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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