oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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