I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
