it wasn't lemon gatorade
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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