Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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