Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I want is dick and wine.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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