I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
