Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
