dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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