I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
