I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
