I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
