How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
