I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
