Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
