so that wasnt chicken after all
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
