Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
