Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My bed smells like the plague
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
