Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
