It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
