this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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