so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
