i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
