Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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