Your tits are I can't wait for
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
