I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
