eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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