I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
