so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
