Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
