I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
