We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
