Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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