He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
