I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wish there were birth control emojis
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
