i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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