Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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