So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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