This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
