I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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