Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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