You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
