Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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