If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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