My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
