so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
